Chances are, if you’re reading this, you already realize the importance of making mom friends. Mom friends provide the accountability and support you need to get you through this crazy new journey.
The problem is, having a baby changes everything. Whether you made friends easily before or not, becoming a mom challenges every aspect of your self-identity. Suddenly you’re thrown into unfamiliar situations, walk around in a completely changed body, and struggle with new emotions that you may not know how to cope with yet.
Even on a good day, making new friends is hard. When your confidence is low, it’s almost impossible.
Mama, if you’ve already been on a few awkward play dates that led to nothing, or exchanged numbers without ever receiving a single text, this post is for you. Let me teach you the secret to making mom friends when you have zero confidence, so you can have the network of support you deserve.
How to Make Mom Friends When You’re an Introvert: 6 Friendship Building Tips for the Mom with Zero Confidence
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1 Expand Your Social Network TODAY
The point of making mom friends is to develop close relationships with like-minded mommies. But, making mom friends is kind of like dating. If the people in your life aren’t working, you need to meet new people!
You’ve probably told yourself this before. So, the second part of this concept is to do it TODAY, right after you’re done reading this article. You can start small, but you need to take action now.
There are so many ways you can find other moms:
- Join Local Facebook Groups: If you truly want to make mom friends fast, Facebook groups are the way to go. This is a baby step, but it gets the ball rolling. Over time, the conversations you share online can lead to play dates and real friendships.
- Local Support Groups: The La Leche League, Celebrate Recovery, Grief Share, and Homeschool Groups are a few of my favorite support groups. These groups are usually very low pressure and allow members to build friendships at their own pace.
- Moms n’ Tots & Just Among Moms: Even if you’re not religious or your church group doesn’t host a moms group, there’s a good chance one is close to you. Most of the time, they don’t even ask if you’re a member of the church. Groups like MOTS or JAM connects you with veteran and newbie moms in both a large group setting and small groups.
- Fitness Groups. Stroller Strides and the YMCA’s Stroller Fitness can help you get fit and socialize. Chatting in this environment isn’t a requirement and you can do it without pressure when you’re ready.
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2 Reconnect with the Women Closest to You
While connecting with new women is absolutely necessary, it would be a mistake not to try to build friendships with the women already in your life.
Think about the moms you interact with regularly. Maybe it’s your neighbor, sister-in-law, or coworker. Have you made an attempt to connect with these women? If you did and the friendship stalled, ask yourself what happened.
When our self-esteem is at an all time low, we tend to project our insecurities and self-disappointment on to other people. Try to think of specific instances that prove that this person doesn’t like you. If you can’t, it might be time to reach out to her again.
Be bold. Ask her out to coffee or invite her over. If she agrees, you’ll gain even more confidence and a new friend.
And if she blows you off?
Don’t take it personally and move on. You want to find your mom tribe and not everyone can qualify for that.
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3 Be Vulnerable
When you’ve been burned in the past, you tend to put up barriers that only reinforce your isolation.
The thing is, friendships need vulnerability and transparency in order to grow. When you open up, you’re giving other moms the opportunity to sympathize with your struggles and interests. Once she sympathizes with your struggle, she’ll feel comfortable enough to share her own.
The next time someone asks how you’re doing, be honest. If you’re exhausted because you can’t get your baby to sleep through the night, let them know!
At first, this might feel like you’re complaining or leaving yourself open for criticism, but it can actually encourage some really good conversations (and free advice).
Don’t forget to share your interests as well. Think about the schoolyard days when you could befriend another girl by just wearing the same color shoes! Believe it or not, adult friendships aren’t that different!
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The biggest mistake introverts make during conversation (ironically) is turning the conversation back to themselves.
When you’re seriously lacking in the self-confidence department, truly listening to others becomes impossible. You tend to get nervous and fill the space with words, or your desire to show others that you’re an awesome person commandeers the conversation.
The next time you chat, pay attention. When someone shares about their life, do you respond with a tidbit about yourself?
For example, she might say, “I love tacos”! Do you have the tendency to say things like, “Really? Me too!”
This is such a common mistake, because it SEEMS like the easiest way to relate, but it actually stifles further conversation.
Instead, encourage her to expand on her interest. Maybe ask what type of tacos she likes or where the best taco stand in town is. Your enthusiasm and excitement to discuss what she loves speaks volumes!
5 Don’t Try to Act Like a Good Friend – BE a Good Friend
You know you’re a great friend. Your old BFF from high school knows know you’re a great friend. But when you’re focused on trying to convince everyone else this, sometimes you come across as self-centered. So, stop worrying about making a great impression and focus on being the best friend that you can be.
Actively look for opportunities!
Let’s say that you met a new acquaintance at the La Leche League meeting. You encourage her to share a bit about herself, including her struggles. Then, take it a step further by offering your support in some way. This might just be a word of sympathy, but it makes a huge impact.
Even if this woman doesn’t reciprocate, you will feel better about yourself and the impact that you’ve made in another person’s life.
6 Be the Hostess.
If there was a 12-step program to help introverts make mom friends, this would definitely be the last step for me. Any mom that deals with anxiety can agree that inviting someone over to her house is the ultimate act of courage. From your dirty toilet bowl to your decorating style (or lack thereof), your entire house is on display when you play the hostess.
Mama, this is the fastest way to combat your fears and build friendships.
Just think about how you feel when someone invites you over to their house. Don’t you feel flattered? An invitation to someone’s house is a huge form of acceptance. It says, “Hey, I like you and I want to spend more time with you!” When you invite her over, you are letting her know that your budding friendship is very important.
Confidence isn’t a Requirement of Friendship
Mama, I hope you’ll believe me when I say that there are tons of women that are hungry for genuine mom friends just like you. Making mom friends is hard when you’re an exhausted mess, but you can do it!
My challenge to you is this: try all six of these tips this month. If your situation doesn’t change, that’s okay. True friendships take time to cultivate. However, if you start to notice a difference immediately, wasn’t putting yourself out there so, so worth it?
Good luck and let me know how it goes!